TV: What's On Tonight?: Figure out what it would be like if you had never been born by watching It's A Wonderful Life

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, November 30, and Saturday, December 1. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
It’s A Wonderful Life (NBC, 8 p.m., Saturday): On a quiet weekend for original network programming, with Grimm and Saturday Night Live in repeats and Fringe pre-empted, this is probably your best bet, as NBC hauls it out of the vault for the first time this year. Hell, the Capra classic would be your best bet most weekends, but it’s particularly a good bet for this weekend, especially if you need to get in the holiday spirit, like we do. Jimmy Stewart is a guy who spends his life getting more and more frustrated. Donna Reed is the wife who can’t quite save him. Then there’s an angel and Christmas songs and… it’s darker than you think it is! We swear! (Look for our thoughts on this a little closer to Christmas Day.)

TV CLUB CLASSIC
The X-Files (1 p.m., Saturday): It’s time for the occasionally awful, usually tired seventh season of The X-Files, the season we have to get through to get to the surprisingly inspired eighth season. Todd VanDerWerff kicks things off by following Mulder into his very own Last Temptation of Christ riff.

WHAT ELSE IS ON
CeeLo’s Magic Moment (TV Guide Network, 8 p.m., Friday): So. CeeLo Green has a holiday special all to himself, complete with lots of fun guest stars and the Muppets, and it’s airing on TV Guide Network?! Somebody at NBC has really fallen down on the job to allow this to happen is all we’re saying.

Killer Karaoke (TruTV, 9 p.m., Friday): We’ve been examining our screeners for this show, and we’re concerned it’s not really about people singing, and then the best singers being allowed to stalk the others in some sort of Battle Royale/Hunger Games ripoff. We see the word killer, we want blood!

Phineas And Ferb (Disney Channel, 9 p.m., Friday): Allow us to acknowledge this show exists very briefly, before you try to convince us it’s really as good as every 10-year-old we know keeps saying. Silly readers! You told us that about Gravity Falls, and it… mostly turned out to be completely right, actually.

Jay And Silent Bob Go Down Under (Epix, 10 p.m., Friday): Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith head to Australia, to offer up a night of comedy, antics, and, presumably, song. If you’re a big Kevin Smith fan, well, this is your best chance at watching some new Kevin Smith content this weekend. You’re welcome!

Dragonwasps (Syfy, 9 p.m., Saturday): Dragonwasps! Say that name. Let it roll around on your tongue. Think about what it might mean, and think about what Syfy’s made-for-TV movie department might do with those two nouns awkwardly smashed together as they are. Then watch! DVR it and watch again!

The Greatest (VH1, 9 p.m., Saturday): With the help of Ivan Reitman’s daughter (no really), VH1 has been counting down the top 100 child stars of all time. In tonight’s installment, you’ll get to find out who stars 40-21 are, which is just about the least helpful segment you could possibly watch. You’re welcome!

The Family Man (ABC Family, 8 p.m., Friday): Brett Ratner did his level best to demolish the It’s A Wonderful Life legend with this movie about a businessman who discovers what might have happened had he chosen his college girlfriend instead, but Nicolas Cage is there to crazy everything up, as always.

Zookeeper (Encore, 8 p.m., Friday): Kevin James is a sadsack zookeeper who’s unlucky in love. A bunch of poor visual effects play the animals who reveal they can talk and try to help him find a woman who will love him, even through his tears. We can hear all of you setting your DVRs for this already!

Sullivan’s Travels (TCM, 8 p.m., Saturday): If you don’t think this Preston Sturges classic about a Hollywood director who decides to see how the common folk live is one of your favorite movies ever made, you’ve either never seen it, or you’re not the kind of person we can abide reading this article!

Pac-12 Football Championship: UCLA at Stanford (Fox, 8 p.m., Friday): Sure, there might be better college football games this weekend, and you might not care about our shenanigans on the West Coast, but we here in California are excited to see these two teams meet for the second time in six days.

NBA Basketball: 76ers at Bulls (WGN, 8 p.m., Saturday): The 76ers bumped off the Bulls in last year’s NBA playoffs, but that was when the Bulls were plagued by injury. Now, presumably, they will rise, phoenix-like, from the ashes, and devour the Philadelphians whole. That’s just our best hypothesis.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Last Resort (Thursday): Look, we know ABC canceled this show, but it says it will air all 13 episodes it produced, and we’re going to hold it to that promise by reviewing every single one of them. Scott Von Doviak realizes that knowing a show is dead on its feet makes some subplots seem completely pointless.

that an A.V. Club account is good for more than just commenting?

Log in with Facebook Receive notifications of updates to your favorite TV showsFollow your Facebook friends and favorite AV commentersGrade TV shows, films, music, and moreDownload the TV Club iPad App

View the original article here

What's On Tonight?: Break out your $4,000 ham napkin for the 30 Rock wedding

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for November 29, 2012. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.): Unless that wedding invitation that circulated around the Internet earlier in the month is some sort of elaborate ruse and/or the poster for a fake Tracy Jordan movie, somebody’s getting married on 30 Rock tonight, and those somebodies are Liz and Criss. (And if we know Liz Lemon, the Muppets Take Manhattan cut linked above has to play some part in the ceremony, right?) But first, they need the blessing of The Beeper King, as Liz’s lady business is still part of his Beeper Kingdom—or some such other loveable crassness that will end up in Dean Winter’s mouth. Unofficial bridesmaid Pilot Viruet will show you where to place your gift for the happy couple.

REGULAR COVERAGE

Last Resort (ABC, 8 p.m.): Having protected the show from a big loss of ratings on Thanksgiving night—thanks a bunch, ABC—the network airs Last Resort’s one and only take on the holiday one week late. Scott Von Doviak looks forward to watching a drunken Scott Speedman dance around with an oversized turkey on his head.

The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Parking spots come between friends when the university hands Sheldon’s parking space to Wolowitz, in an episode that, judging from the press artwork, takes place entirely on a parking-lot set. Oliver Sava is curious about whether we could’ve fit an additional “parking” into that previous sentence.

The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Though anyone on this show could be a supernatural being, Carrie Raisler feels it’s unfair for vampired-up Elena to compete in the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant. She’ll clearly have a leg up on her competition in the “drinking blood” portion of the contest.

The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.): Pete (a.k.a. “New Jim,” a.k.a. “Plop”) earns a mention in the episode synopsis, and Erik Adams thinks that merits a round of applause for young Jake Lacy. The guy could use it, what with having lost his Goodwin Games role to T.J. Miller and all…

Person Of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.): It’s a reunion of The Others as “’Til Death” reunites former Lost cohorts Michael Emerson and Mark Pellegrino. There are also flashbacks to Finch’s old life, which has Phil Dyess-Nugent feeling all sorts of nostalgia pangs for the Island.

Glee (Fox, 9 p.m.): What? Glee had a Thanksgiving episode in the wings, but it still went with “Dynamic Duets” last week? Brandon Nowalk theorizes that the holiday’s early placement on the calendar threw off the show’s episode order—either that, or Fox just wanted to catch viewers with a better episode while they were pinned down by tryptophan. 

Parks And Recreation (NBC, 9:30 p.m.): Amy Poehler welcomes fellow Saturday Night Live alum and Weekend Update anchor Brad Hall to Pawnee—of course, during Hall’s tenure they called it “Saturday Night News.” Steve Heisler humbly requests a supplemental half hour of Poehler and Hall comparing SNL stories.

Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): Having put up with a grouchy Sherlock Holmes surrogate on House for seven seasons, Linda Edelstein tangles with the original formula in an Elementary guest shot. Myles McNutt hopes this doesn’t end with Holmes driving a car through Edelstein’s living room.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX, 10 p.m.): Frank returns to world of big business—though this plot seems to exist solely to put Danny DeVito in Patrick Bateman garb. Emily Guendelsberger can’t wait to see his business cards, if only to ask how a nitwit like Frank got so tasteful.

Burn Notice (USA, 10 p.m.): One of the few roles that went unmentioned in Patton Oswalt’s recent Random Roles interview is that of Colin Schmidt, a smuggler who begins his two-episode arc on the show tonight. Michael and company want to know why Schmidt is hiding—Scott Von Doviak, meanwhile, wants to hear about the guy’s bitchin’ Dr. Octopus costume.

The League (FX, 10:30 p.m.): Since What’s On Tonight? is so into guest stars today: J.B. Smoove stops by, playing a wheelchair-bound character who sounds like an It’s Always Sunny renegade that’s made his way to The League’s version of Chicago. Sounds to Margaret Eby like an episode guaranteed to bring the ruckus.

TV CLUB CLASSIC

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (11 a.m.): The show tests Zack Handlen’s increased tolerance for the Ferengi by sending Quark to Ferenginar and introducing the character’s mother, Ishka. Then again, Ishka is played by the always wonderful Andrea Martin, so “Family Business” won’t test that tolerance too much.

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

100 Greatest Kids Stars (VH1, 9 p.m.): A prediction: Whoever comes out on top of VH1’s latest pop-culture list has still been been handed plenty of losses by life. Congrats to those who lived long enough to contribute talking-head interviews to this special, though.

American Chainsaw (National Geographic, 10 p.m.): The world of retail chainsaw sculptures is given a heavily bearded face in the form of “The Machine” Jesse Green, a modern-day lumberjack whose ability to grow a facial sawdust catcher puts the Duck Dynasty guys to shame.

Panic 9-1-1 (A&E, 10 p.m.): True crime gets unsettlingly true in an update of the old Rescue 911 formula that ditches William Shatner and testimonial interviews for actual 911 calls set to shadowy, heavily treated reenactment footage. In other words: Nightmare fuel for days. 

Totally Biased With W. Kamau Bell/Brand X With Russell Brand (FX, 11 p.m.): FX must be incredibly pleased with its experimental forays into late-night TV, as it just ordered another 13 episodes of both Totally Biased and Brand X. Bell celebrates his renewal with John Oliver, while detoxing marionette Russell Brand welcomes Sarah Silverman for a competition of “Who can say the most playfully naughty thing?”

Fargo (AMC, 8 p.m.): With the weather gettin’ colder and the sun settin’ earlier, there, you’re definitely gonna want to get in da mood for winter with da Coens’ tale of a fake kidnapping, a woodchipper, and pregnant Frances McDormand. Oh ya? Ya.

The Iron Petticoat (TCM, 8 p.m.): The network tries out “Variations On A Theme” with three takes on the Iron Curtain satire Ninotchka, beginning with the suitably bizarre pairing of Katharine Hepburn as a Russian aviatrix and Bob Hope as the dashing military hero trying to win her over to the side of truth, justice, and capitalism.

NBA Basketball: Spurs at Heat (TNT, 8 p.m.): Two first-place teams on recent hot streaks come together in Miami, where the Heat are undefeated for the season. Of course, the Spurs have only lost one game out of nine on the road, so that home-court advantages only counts to a point.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Supernatural: Phil Dyess-Nugent has seen the “everybody dies in a cartoonish manner” episode of Supernatural and lived to tell the tale. Though he’s not sure what he’s going to do about this comically swollen bump growing out of his scalp or the tweeting birds that came with it. 

View the original article here

TV: What's On Tonight?: Can we entice you into watching The Hour by promising you Q from Skyfall is in it? No?

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 28. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
The Hour (BBC America, 9 p.m.): Did you enjoy Ben Whishaw in Skyfall? Then you might also enjoy him in this excellent BBC drama, about a TV news magazine in the 1950s, which returns for its second series tonight. Okay, that was a pretty weak pitch, because we’re not really sure what the Venn diagram intersection between “James Bond fans” and “The Hour fans” is. But we assure you that you will probably enjoy this if you enjoy good things! And who doesn’t enjoy good things? Todd VanDerWerff, for one, though we’re hopeful he can be sucked in by the wonders of Romola Garai as ahead-of-her-time news producer Bel Rowley.

REGULAR COVERAGE
Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): For whatever reason, Oliver hasn’t revealed his secret identity to everybody he knows yet, which is too bad. Alasdair Wilkins is waiting for that to happen so that everybody on the show will sneer “Arrow!” derisively at him, just like when Alasdair whispers when he watches the show.

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): We’re at the point in the season where the episode descriptions say things like, “Another castaway is voted out of the game,” so we’re just going to assume that in this episode, something crazy will happen involving Michael Skupin. Carrie Raisler is giving us good odds on that bet.

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): Mitchell and Cameron struggle to save an old tree in a park, while Gloria and Claire visit a big-box store, which will likely terrify them. Donna Bowman’s favorite big box is Home Depot; she doesn’t care who knows it! (This What’s On Tonight was sponsored in part by Home Depot.)

Supernatural (The CW, 9 p.m.): We’re glad we lived long enough to see an episode of television in which all of the mysterious deaths are taken from Looney Tunes cartoons. Phil Dyess-Nugent keeps chasing after that damnable bird, and all of his gadgets just keep backfiring on him. What a chump!

Suburgatory (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): Some of George’s friends from New York visit and find both his suburban makeover and his new girlfriend to be a source of general mirth and amusement. Brandon Nowalk would never make fun of you for your new look, baby. He knows how hard you work to look so good.

American Horror Story (FX, 10 p.m.): This week’s episode is called “Dark Cousin,” because everybody knows that the relative you least want to turn out to be evil is your cousin. Todd VanDerWerff once had an evil cousin, and he had to have that cousin exorcised. It wasn’t a fun process, but he got the job done.

Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): It’s only taken what feels like seven years—in which time, several Nashville mayoral elections have been run and won—but Rayna and Juliette are finally facing off again. If somebody doesn’t get slapped, Todd VanDerWerff is going to take this episode back for a refund.

Top Chef (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Perhaps in honor of the return of The Hour—okay, perhaps because of a complete coincidence—Top Chef is getting into a ‘50s mood, as the chefs recreate menus from the era. Emily Withrow would like to remind them they’ll have to cook everything in lard for true accuracy.

Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): The second season is over as of tonight, and one of the sketches involves the last two men on Earth. Steve Heisler is willing to bet those two men will be played by Key and Peele, but wouldn’t it be cool if they were Andre Braugher and Jon Hamm instead?

TV CLUB CLASSIC
The Sopranos (1 p.m.): Christopher and Tony take a car ride together, and that ends in something completely unexpected. And that’s just in the first 10 minutes of this episode, which is one of the best Sopranos hours of all time. Todd VanDerWerff suspects he’ll be saying that a lot in the coming weeks.

WHAT ELSE IS ON
A Charlie Brown Christmas (ABC, 8 p.m.): The Peanuts Thanksgiving special aired just last week, but it’s already time for ABC to haul out this seminal Christmas special, which just might be one of our very favorite works of art ever made. Still, can’t we give Thanksgiving a little breathing room, ABC? Huh?

Christmas In Rockefeller Center (NBC, 8 p.m.): As it turns out, NBC doesn’t care about rushing the Christmas season either, as it takes this opportunity to light up the big-ass tree in front of Rockefeller Center while the light from November sweeps still shines. Don’t worry, giant tree. We still love you!

Ferrets: The Pursuit Of Excellence (PBS, 10 p.m.): This apparently first aired in 2007, which is too bad, because if it hadn’t, we could have dedicated several articles to its title alone. We’re still not sure how exactly the word “ferrets” gets followed by “the pursuit of excellence,” but PBS evidently knows.

Love You, Mean It With Whitney Cummings (E!, 10:30 p.m.): Whitney Cummings now has three TV shows, airing on three different networks. You have no TV shows, airing on no networks. Please note that this is only true, unless you are Chuck Lorre, in which case, hi, Chuck! How’s it going? We’re good!

District 9 (G4, 8 p.m.): Aliens live in South Africa, segregated from the human population in the titular district. When a human is infected with some sort of alien mutagen, things get out of hand, in this unexpected box-office hit that also proved surprisingly successful at the Oscars. Check this one out.

The Time Machine (TCM, 8 p.m.): Or you can scratch that science fiction itch through this film adaptation of H.G. Wells’ famous tale of Morlocks and Eloi living on a far-future Earth. It’s ostensibly all about British social strata or whatever, but we’re just glad this version doesn’t star Samantha Mumba.

College basketball: Michigan State at Miami (ESPN, 7:30 p.m.): What with the way they’re at opposite sides of the country, you’d expect Michigan State and the University of Miami to be natural college basketball rivals, and you’d be completely wrong about that. Still, this is the best game on tonight.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Vegas (Tuesday): If you’re still watching this and you’re under the age of 50, congratulations! CBS has a prize for you, as you’re the only one left. We’re not going to spoil what it is, but it involves “windsurfing,” “Dennis Quaid,” and “Phil Dyess-Nugent.” You lucky duck, you! Enjoy your double date!

View the original article here

TV: What's On Tonight?: Go On begins year-in-review season by asking “Hey, remember the Summer Olympics?”

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, November 27. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Go On (NBC, 9 p.m.): In the late fall and early winter, a young person’s fancy turns lightly to thoughts of loving the year that was—making best-of lists and cluttering spaces online and in print with retrospectives and lookings back. NBC would like to remind you it launched an unexpectedly fruitful second half of 2012 by combining a pair of success stories—the London Summer Olympics and Go On—in an episode where Ryan plays beach volleyball with gold medalist Misty May-Treanor. To ensure she watches the episode in a suitably 2012 frame of mind, Sonia Saraiya will keep “Call Me Maybe” on an endless loop until 9 p.m.

REGULAR COVERAGE

Raising Hope (Fox, 8 p.m.): In a move only Raising Hope could pull off, part of this week’s episode revolves around a charity that benefits “Angry Bowel Syndrome.” Phil Dyess-Nugent’s stomach is already rumbling.   

Ben And Kate (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Kate’s got a good thing going with Will—until she sees the face he makes when he plays guitar. Molly Eichel will never view the lantern-jawed good looks of Geoff Stults in the same light again. 

New Girl (Fox, 9 p.m.): After receiving some bad, sparkly news about his long-in-the-works zombie novel, Nick heads to the zoo with Winston to scrounge up some inspiration. Erik Adams suggests that they skip the primate house on this particular trip.

The Mindy Project (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): To read the summary of this week’s episode is to assume that The Mindy Project is gearing up to have Ike Barinholtz simply ogle Amanda Setton off the show. It’s an interesting strategy, but David Sims is curious about the results.

Vegas (CBS, 10 p.m.): Sheriff Lamb must cooperate with the military as part of the case of the week. If that investigation involved the Navy rather than the Air Force, Phil Dyess-Nugent would swear this episode was CBS’ attempt to retool Vegas into NCIS: 1960s.

Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): “Parenting and relationship issues come between Sarah and Mark,” and that means the show is getting closer to confirming Todd VanDerWerff’s fears by putting itself between Jason Ritter and craft-service pastries. This holiday season, set aside a cinnamon roll for Jason Ritters in need, won’t you?

Sons Of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.): Jax made a deal with the devil (or the Pope—see what they did there?!), and now he must hold up his part of the bargain or find a bloody way out of it. Zack Handlen wonders what type of arbitrator one uses with the devil.

TV CLUB CLASSIC

Arrested Development (11 a.m.): Forget all the heavy lifting required to get to the amazing setpiece that concludes “Mr. F” and bask in the goofy glory of rocket-powered George-Michael fighting Tobias The Giant Mole. Noel Murray is very particular about building codes—and this water tower does not pass muster.

WHAT ELSE IS ON

How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (ABC, 8 p.m.): The Christmas special with all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile (who then took some motion-sickness medication and realized that you can’t steal the Who-man spirit) celebrates 46 years of inflating shrunken hearts and getting “Welcome Christmas” stuck in your head.

Chef Race: U.K. Vs. U.S. (BBC America, 10 p.m.): Jamie Oliver’s cross-country hybrid of The Amazing Race and Iron Chef comes to a conclusion in New York City, where the show works one more pre-existing reality-show concept into its premise by going Great American Food Truck Race for half of the finale.

Leverage (TNT, 10 p.m.): Timothy Hutton and crew make a timely midseason return with a job that involves infiltrating a nefarious big-box retailer. But first, they need to pick up an LED TV for a deep, deep discount. 

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): Daniel Tosh’s unkillable cavalcade of Internet clips and smarmy quips crosses the 100-episode line. With Tosh reaching the traditional syndication milestone, prepare for a future where a web-redeemed “Blackface Kid” sits uncomfortably next to some Cosby Show reruns.

Red Tails (HBO, 7:15 p.m.): This long-delayed chronicle of the struggles and victories of the Tuskegee Airmen is George Lucas’ filmmaking swan song—until he makes the almost inevitable decision to somehow mess up Disney’s Star Wars sequels.

8 Mile (VH1, 9 p.m.): Eminem may not give a fuck about a Grammy, but he did win an Oscar for this film—though we have to imagine that a basic-cable airing of the film will disrupt the flow of Academy Award winner “Lose Yourself” and other musical selections from the soundtrack.

College Basketball: North Carolina State at Michigan (ESPN, 8 p.m.): More than two decades after the reign of the Fab Five, the Wolverines find themselves in a strange position: In the top five of both major men’s basketball polls and favored to best another Top 25 squad.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

RuPaul’s Drag Race: And just like that, the first ever all-star Drag Race is gone from our lives after six short weeks. Relive the girl-group homages, the heart-rending lip-syncs to Robyn, and the embarrassment that was “Queens Behaving Badly” through Oliver Sava’s finale review. 

View the original article here

TV: What's On Tonight?: Keep your belt loosened after Thanksgiving to make room for extra Treme

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for November 22-25, 2012. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Treme (Sunday, HBO, 10 p.m.): This Thanksgiving, show your appreciation for abundance: second helpings, long weekends, expanding waistlines, deep discounts on consumer electronics, a super-sized What’s On Tonight?, and 15 extra minutes of Treme. Of course, the actual occasion for that additional quarter hour is the series’ third-season finale, but you can fold Annie’s album release, Davis’ escape from the music biz, and a break in the legal clouds for Toni into your “What I’m thankful for” address on Thursday night—be grateful for this bountiful harvest of David Simon-led TV drama, for its fields will be fallow before long. Keith Phipps can’t wait to dig in.

REGULAR COVERAGE

Glee (Thursday, Fox, 9 p.m.): Nobody Tells Ryan Murphy What To Do, Example No. 291: Not only is Glee refusing to take a holiday leave like the rest of television, but it’s ignoring Thanksgiving altogether to debut a superhero-based episode. Brandon Nowalk has a screener, so this nonsense won’t disrupt his day off.

Once Upon A Time (Sunday, ABC, 8 p.m.): Television awakens from its tryptophan coma in time for its Sunday-night stories, beginning with Mary Margaret and Emma’s latest attempt to return to Storybrooke. Oliver Sava wants to make an “Over The River And Through The Woods” joke right now, but he has to keep it under his hat for a few more days.

The Simpsons (Sunday, Fox, 8 p.m.): Presumably eager to see God wrestle “hope” out of from under President Obama’s mug, Flanders gets all excited to see the word spelled out in the bark of a tree. Robert David Sullivan will file his review as soon as he finishes investigating this spider web that contains the phrase “SOME PIG.”

Bob’s Burgers (Sunday, Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Opening a deep reserve of Jaws illusions, the Belchers’ seaside community is terrorized by a mechanical shark. This is perfectly timed with the opening of Rowan Kaiser’s new marina, You’re Going To Need A Bigger Boat.

Revenge (Sunday, ABC, 9 p.m.): In the proud tradition of Thanksgiving flashbacks, Revenge activates its flux capacitor and takes a trip to 2006. Carrie Raisler welcomes the chance warn everyone about the looming subprime mortgage crisis.

The Walking Dead (Sunday, AMC, 9 p.m.): The two halves of season three are poised for a head-on collision, and Zack Handlen’s dreams of Rick and The Governor engaging in a battle of who’s the craziest look more and more likely to come true.

The Good Wife (Sunday, CBS, 9 p.m.): Bruce McGill goes D-Day on Lockhart/Gardner’s latest case, though it’s Stockard Channing’s debut as Alicia’s mom that’s running over the show’s protagonist with a metaphorical motorcycle. That notion has finally given David Sims a good ending for his Animal House/Grease fan-fiction!

Family Guy (Sunday, Fox, 9 p.m.): The Griffin men just don’t do well with animals that aren’t Brian: Peter has his long-standing rivalry with the giant chicken, Chris contended with the Evil Monkey for years, and now Stewie is tormented by a pet turtle. Friend to all creatures Kevin McFarland can’t figure out what they’re doing wrong.

Boardwalk Empire (Sunday, HBO, 9 p.m.): Gyp Rosetti moves in on Atlantic City, presumably to build big, gaudy, hotels-cum-monuments-to-his-largesse in the style of Donald Trump. And now Noel Murray can’t get the image of Bobby Cannavale with a Trump combover out of his head.

Dexter (Sunday, Showtime, 9 p.m.): It took six-and-three-quarter seasons for Dexter, a show about a murderer, to give an episode the Charles Manson-inspired title “Helter Skelter.” Joshua Alston will take this show of restraint as a further sign of the series’ creative renaissance.

Homeland (Sunday, Showtime, 10 p.m.): At press time, there’s limited information (and no screener) available for “Two Hats,” so we can only guess that this installment deals with Brody’s fraying allegiances. Either that or Todd VanDerWerff is about to sit down with an hour where two pieces of headwear break down the season so far and set the table for its final three episodes. 

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (Thursday, NBC, 9 a.m.): This year’s festivities include appearances by Jimmy Fallon and The Roots, the cast of Sesame Street, and gold-medal Olympians, but let’s not overlook the main attraction: The parade debut of a Papa Smurf balloon, a vast improvement over 2008’s generic “Smurf” entry.

National Dog Show (Thursday, NBC, 12 p.m.): Doing nothing to debunk rumors that he’s merely a projection of Christopher Guest’s imagination, John O’Hurley hosts the 169th edition of this Thanksgiving tradition.

Punkin Chunkin (Thursday, Science, 8 p.m.): For a holiday ritual with a little less history (and a richer sense of humor): Mythbusters’ Tory Belleci, Kari Byron, and Grant Imahara head to Bridgeville, Delaware for a closer look at how to make a pumpkin pie the hard, several-thousand-pounds-per-square-inch way.

Michael Jackson: Bad25 (Thursday, ABC, 9:30 p.m.): 25 years ago, Bad was the Michael Jackson LP that couldn’t possibly live up to the expectations set by Thriller. Today, it receives a track-by-track retrospective directed by Spike Lee. One can only imagine what outsized tribute awaits Dangerous in four years. (An immersive, Steven Spielberg-directed IMAX experience, probably.)

iCarly (Friday, Nickelodeon, 8 p.m.): Sonia Saraiya takes a look at the final episode of the series that defined the last seven years of Nickelodeon programming—a show that also made sure Apple-inspired “i” puns are carried by the current generation of tweens and teens into the next several decades. 

Unlikely Animal Friends (Friday, Nat Geo Wild, 8 p.m.): We try not to contradict Dr. Peter Venkman too regularly, but dogs and cats living together aren’t a sign of the apocalypse—just a sign that humans on Thanksgiving break could use the sight of a labrador retriever and a cheetah cub hanging out.

Trapped In The Closet: Part Three (Friday, IFC, 9 p.m.): Marah Eakin volunteered for the assignment / she opened up the screener / she couldn’t believe R. Kelly squeezed more chapters out of this insane project / But she could believe he’d name a character “Beeno” / And that dripping sound / IT’S STILL THERE! / Please enjoy this third part of Trapped In The Closet / Closet / Closet / Closet / Closet / Closet…

Killer Karaoke (Friday, TruTV, 9 p.m.):As with most things involving Stephen “Steve-O” Glover, this hybrid of Fear Factor and Say What? Karaoke is either a new high-water mark for gonzo TV or a new low for the medium. What say you, lady singing Carrie Underwood while reaching into a box full of snakes?

It’s A SpongeBob Christmas! (Friday, CBS, 9:30 p.m.): Deck the pineapple and brush up on your Rankin-Bass, as SpongeBob gets legitimately absorbent in this stop-motion Christmas spectacular. Zack Handlen will be with you as soon as he finishes plopping on the deck and flopping like a fish.

Made In Jersey (Saturday, CBS, 8 p.m.): The first casualty of the fall season lives out the rest of its episode order in Saturday-night purgatory, confirming that its version of Kyle MacLachlan is the version of Agent Cooper who’s trapped in Twin Peaks’ Black Lodge.

Marvin Marvin (Saturday, Nickelodeon, 8:30 p.m.): It’s the holidays, so let’s dig up an old Videocracy chestunt: “Warning: Fred.” Lucas Cruikshank makes his ploy for all the Nickelodeon timeslots with TV’s latest variation on My Favorite Martian.

Downton Abbey Revisited (PBS, 8 p.m.): Law-abiding American viewers still have to wait until the new year to see the third series of Downton Abbey—but Angela Lansbury’s willing to reward their patience with a sneak peek and behind-the-scenes footage in this special.

Liz & Dick (Sunday, Lifetime, 9 p.m.): With the patron saint of My World Of Flops, Lindsay Lohan, playing one of the title characters, this Lifetime portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s troubled romance more or less arrived in The A.V. Club offices bearing a “For review by Nathan Rabin” stamp.

The Cleveland Show (Sunday, Fox, 9:30 p.m.): We heard that the ugly duckling of the Seth MacFarlane family finally turned a corner in terms of quality, and a belated Thanksgiving installment seemed as good an episode as any to send Simon Abrams to investigate such rumors. 

Extreme Cougar Wives (Sunday, TLC, 10 p.m.): If this TLC special doesn’t end with one of its age-inappropriate couples skydiving hand-in-hand, someone at the network should re-consider its use of the term “extreme.”

Cheaper By The Dozen (Thursday, TCM, 8 p.m.): Thanksgiving dinner will probably be over by this point, so turn TCM on and let the 14-person Gilbreth brood provide a sharp contrast to whatever clean-up chaos is occurring in your kitchen.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Thursday, MTV, 9:30 p.m.): Canadian Thanksgiving occurred last month, so that leaves the inhabitants of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s video-game-and-indie-rock-damaged version of Toronto free to battle evil exes and punch one another’s lives in the face for your enjoyment tonight.

Field Of Dreams (Friday, HBO Signature, 7:10 p.m.): Home with your parents this weekend? Having trouble communicating with your father? Kevin Costner and his baseball ghosts should be able to help.

Our Idiot Brother (Friday, TMC, 8 p.m.): Or perhaps you’re in the mood to commiserate about an absent sibling—in which case Paul Rudd’s hippie doofus in this film can be the target for your gentle jibes.

Star Wars (Saturday, Spike, 7:30 p.m.): The flurry of rumors and speculation surrounding Disney’s upcoming Star Wars sequels is renewing enthusiasm for the franchise in ways that haven’t been seen since the lead-up to The Phantom Menace. Revisit the special-edition cut of the true first Star Wars film for a reminder of why it’s okay that George Lucas no longer rules this galaxy.

Die Hard 2 (Sunday, Cinemax, 8 p.m.): Set one year after the seize of Nakatomi Tower, the original “Die Hard on an airplane”—well, in an airport and then on an airplane—presents another rough Christmas for John McClane.  

Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (Sunday, ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Like the rest of the world, this telefilm ignores the existence of Home Alone 4, instead returning the franchise to the “random moppet sets elaborate traps for random criminals” motif of Home Alone 3—with a dash of “negating your childhood memories” for good measure.

College Football: TCU at Texas (Thursday, ESPN, 7:30 p.m.): Is it possible all of this secession talk coming out of the Lone Star State is actually related to grumpy college football fans being forced to reorient their Thanksgiving viewing habits to include a Longhorns-Horned Frogs matchup rather than the traditional meeting of UT and Texas A&M?

College Football: Nebraska at Iowa (Friday, ABC, noon): The Hawkeyes have a chance to play spoiler, as a Nebraska loss could knock the Cornhuskers out of contention for the Big Ten title. 

College Basketball: Battle 4 Atlantis (Saturday, NBC Sports, 9:30 p.m.): New NCAA rules state that before the men’s basketball season can commence, Atlantis must be raised from the bottom of the sea—or something like that. We think it has something to do with the championship match of this preseason tournament taking place in the Bahamas.

Sunday Night Football: Packers at Giants (Sunday, NBC, 8:20 p.m.): Carried by the momentum of five straight wins, Green Bay arrives at MetLife Stadium, where the winners of the last two Super Bowls meet to send this Thanksgiving weekend off on a suitably epic note.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Key & Peele (Wednesday): Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele prepare for the holiday shopping rush by reminding viewers that parents in the 1990s once fought tooth-and-nail to secure their children vaguely racist Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers toys. Steve Heisler dreams of a day when teenaged crime fighters are judged by the form of their zord, rather than the color of their skin. 

View the original article here